In celebration of today’s U.S. presidential election, I have been “showing reruns” of my most patriotic posts. “The Presidents and the Potty” was originally posted in February 2008, just after the primary elections, when my triplet sons had just turned three years old.
Many presidents have found that the metaphorical fall from the presidency to the potty is a short one. Maybe that’s why the toilet is also known as “the throne”? My three future presidents, who are now happily playing cars in the living room with underpants on their heads, are no exception to the presidential potty slide.
Minutes ago, the boy nominated to be the second President Halverson announced that he had to go to the bathroom. I rushed him there, he did his deed, then he stood up to admire his handiwork. Being a supportive veteran of potty training, I leaned in next to him and waxed poetic about his creation. But he interrupted me.
“Wook!” he shouted suddenly, pointing at what he’d decided were remnants of last night’s dinner. “It’s Spanish rice! Right dere! In my poopee!”
This, of course, brought Presidents Halverson #1 and #3 running at full gallop.
“No!” #2 shouted protectively. “It’s MY poopee. You can’t see it!” He quickly flushed, causing a near riot.
Now, in case you didn’t know, let me explain that for *almost* potty-trained triplets, flushing without public oversight is a direct violation of the Joint Elimination Agreement, which states that for the purposes of group support and potty training inspiration, poop is public domain. You never flush without a viewing.
“He fwushed!” President Halverson #1 screamed.
“I didn’t see it!” cried President Halverson #3.
“Oh, no…” moaned the First Mother.
It took a few moments, but finally I restored the peace. As I ushered them all from the bathroom, President #3 still grumbled. “He didn’t show us his poopee,” he said. “Dat’s not being a gentleman.”
“No,” I agreed, “it certainly isn’t.”
A large part of being a successful diplomat is understanding protocol. And what’s more basic to protocol than understanding what it means to be a gentleman? President Halverson #3 gets it. He would let his brothers see his poopee.
So now I’m thinking that maybe we should change the order of the Halverson presidents. Clearly the second in line for the throne has a few things to work on.